Dear Fear …

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In Episode 3: Courage (& Fear) of The Soul’s Work Podcast, I share a letter that I wrote to Fear in my quest to develop a different, more compassionate, relationship with Fear. Here is that letter:

Dear Fear,

I want to apologize. I haven’t treated you so well for most of my life. Whenever you’ve tried to talk to me, I’ve reacted by resenting you, sometimes hating you, and wishing that you would just go away entirely. I’m sorry. You must have felt really rejected, maybe even abused sometimes.

‘Cause the thing that I realize clearly now is that you have only been trying to help me. Your intention has not been to ruin my life. You just want to protect me, to keep me safe, because you care about my wellbeing.

And I guess I kind of acted like that rebellious teenager, who butts heads and fights with their overbearing parent. But I understand that, like any parent, you’re just doing your job. You didn’t even ask for that job. You just got sent over to my brain for fear duty. And quite frankly, I didn’t ask for you either. But here we are, together. And we always will be.

So, now I want to have an adult, heart-to-heart conversation with you. Here’s the thing. There are definitely going to be times in my life when I need you. Like if I’m backcountry camping and a big ass bear jumps out at me in the woods, Fear, I need you step the fuck up. I need you to help me whip out that bear spray and go all Revenant on its ass.

But Fear, there’s a whole lot of other situations where you can stand down. At ease, soldier. ‘Cause we got our sister friends over here, too — we got Honesty and Courage — and they’re also here to help out when I need them.

So, during those times, when I ask you: “Hey Fear, this is one of those situations where my life isn’t being threatened. It’s really not as serious as you think it is. Here, have a seat in this comfy chair. I’d offer you some wine … to sedate you … but that might not be the best idea. So, here’s a warm cup of tea. Enjoy it.

And I just respectfully ask that you let Honesty, Courage, and I have a conversation right now. And you know what? I bet if you take some time to just quietly listen to what they have to say, you might actually feel comforted by their words, and realize that they’ve got this. We’re all gonna be okay.

Thank you so much, Fear, for being there for me, but also for giving me the space I need now to grow.

With love and gratitude,

Janice

(You can listen to Episode 3: Courage (& Fear) of The Souls Work Podcast on: Apple PodcastsSoundCloud | Stitcher | Google Play | PlayerFM | Please leave a rating and review to help others find the show! ❤)

The Soul’s Work Podcast is Live!

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This week has been a pretty momentous one for me, having finally launched my new podcast, The Soul’s Work Podcast! *WOooOOOoo!!!* 🙂

This show is where I pretty much bare all about my spiritual journey, which includes sharing a whole lot of my past experiences in life. ‘Cause before the spiritual awakening, there’s usually a lot of shit, angst and turmoil that you’re mucking through!

I talk about what that muck looked like for me in Episode 1 (Introduction). Seriously, back then, I really couldn’t see a way out of the dark hole I felt I was in.

Looking back at that time from where I’m standing now, I just want to send my past self a whole lot of love and compassion. I definitely needed it back then!

Episode 2 (Honesty) is also up on my podcast website, as well as on SoundCloud. Here’s where we really start getting into our soul’s work!

Honesty has been the guiding principle in my life, ever since I went through some huge life changes almost three years ago: getting laid off from a job, ending an 8-year relationship, and having to move yet again (this all happened within the span of a month).

The future was so uncertain and unknown at that point, but having my life turned upside down by those events made me take a hard look at what was the truthful path for me to take. It was time to look honesty square in the face.

Episode 3 (Courage & Fear) is also coming soon! I truly hope you guys enjoy the podcast. I’d love to know what you think, as I’m just starting out with this new creative venture and am always up for improvement!

I was confessing to my coach Ivy the other day that I felt scared about taking some time off work to really focus on developing this podcast. It’s not like I’m rolling in money right now, but my gut instinct knows with zero doubt that I have to give this creative project my full attention, at least for a little while.

Ivy asked what my motivation for doing this podcast was in the first place. And I said — with some fierce determination in my voice(!) — that my soul was calling me to do it, plain and simple.

It was saying that I must share my story, my vulnerability. And I must do it now.

I’ve been deeply blessed to have had so many incredible experiences in life. Even the tough ones have gifted me with invaluable lessons to make me a better person and get me to the point of spiritual awakening.

And now, as I explained to Ivy, sharing my story with others is basically the main thing I feel I need to do now before I die. (Strong statement, I know! But the soul knows what it wants.)

Sure, I’ll have many more experiences from here on out. But if I knew my time was going to be up in a month, sharing my story, my experiences, my spiritual learnings, would be my last wish.

It’s not because my story is special. It’s not. But that’s kind of the point.

My story is strewn with a whole lot of sadness, anger, depression, escapism through alcohol, harmful relationships, self-doubt, hopelessness. Those things — unfortunately — are not unique to my life.

But while many of us go through those common struggles, we oftentimes feel alone, like we’re the odd person out, that everyone else is so much better off than us.

We stuff away our shame, anxiety, hurt, and sadness. We put up our guard, wear our masks, and drown our problems deep inside the bottle (or whatever your particular defense mechanism might be).

So, sharing my story means expressing my vulnerability — removing the mask — and letting others know that it’s okay. Someone else (me) has been there, too. And that amidst the struggle, there’s still hope. There’s always hope.

Lots of love and self-love, my friends. ❤

Janice xo

2017 Reflections

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Happy New Year, friends! It’s been a minute since I last wrote here, but I’m excited to be back with this particular post.

Why? Well, because while I love reflecting all the time, the closing of a year presents an especially poignant opportunity to look back on all that we’ve experienced and learned over the past 12 months.

So, this is my 2017 reflection, inspired by Layla Saad’s #QuestionsFor Reflection on her Instagram account (@wildmysticwoman). (P.S. Learn more about this badass spiritual soul here.)

What did surrender & patience teach you this year?

Surrender taught me to let go of the expectations, questions, and worries about the future. You know, the ones we can’t predict, the ones that may or may not come true.

Instead, stay in the present. Simply do what feels honest right now. Taking that approach to life meant that surrender also taught me freedom.

Patience taught me to slow down during some big life changes (it’s still teaching me that)! Don’t be so hard on myself and expect that I’m gonna get everything “right” immediately — ’cause adapting to change takes time.

Again, it comes back to being in the present and focusing on what I have now, not just on what I hope to have in the future.

What did magic & mystery teach you this year?

Magic and mystery taught me to give in to falling in love, no matter how unreal and crazy it seemed. ‘Nuff said 😉

What did you decide you would no longer tolerate this year?

A huge thing that I’m continuing to stick to my guns about is saying no to things and people that drain my energy and waste my fricking time. Life is too short, y’all!

What experiences gave you the most pleasure this year?

Walks on the farm with Olive. Taking the sheep out to graze in the spring pastures. Witnessing gorgeous sunsets. Sleeping in my hammock tent, listening to the frogs sing nearby. Six beautiful days (and counting) of an unexpected romance. Hiking the fairytale Panorama Ridge Trail in Garibaldi Provincial Park. Moments by the lake on H1 at Killarney Provincial Park with my cousin Lilli. A two-night stay at a lovely ecolodge in Algonquin Provincial Park with my family.

How did you become more fully you this year?

I finally embraced what I believe is my calling in life: to be a creative, and to put my creations out there in the world.

That includes writing my first book, getting back into the singing life, and launching my soon-to-be first podcast, The Soul’s Work Podcast!

There’s a lot of vulnerability that is required to bare one’s creative soul, but I’m determined to take on the challenge come 2018!

What about you? How would you answer these questions for your own 2017?

Take a Moment

The call of work is always, well, calling.

Clanging its bell to remind you that the time is always ripe to make a few bucks.

After a couple of days of feeding farm animals, doing my online freelancing job, feeding farm animals again, going back to the online freelancing job, then going to bed exhausted but wired, only to have to wake up to do it all over again, I just couldn’t bring myself to experience life like this a third day in a row.

Even though I had told myself that I would grind it out — “just for now” — because, well, I really “should.”

The thing is that I know very well that it will always feel like making money is an imperative.

And that maybe if we just focus on that “for now”, it’ll give us the freedom later to live our lives the way we really want to.

But it never ends, my friends.

There will always be something more that you think you want or need. There will always be “bigger” and “better” waving their flashy arms at you from a distance, insisting that you don’t look too happy standing where you are.

Where they are though? Trust them, life is banging over there.

I experienced those feelings both when I was really struggling financially back in the day, and when I had a well-paying job and was living a fairly comfortable life.

It’s really not about how much you have or don’t have. It’s about that mindset we’re all conditioned to adopt that more is better, or that life is not complete without x, y, and z (variables which typically require — you guessed it — more money).

I don’t mind working hard at all. In fact, I wouldn’t not want to work.

But where I butt heads with the need to make money is when the other, ultimately more important things in my life begin to suffer.

Like singing.

Like doing my daily spiritual practice of journalling and reflection.

Like writing creatively for my website or book.

Like reading something inspiring.

Like taking care of my health by eating well.

Somehow, when I’m in the grind, I’m either too tired, too uninspired, or too distracted to think about those things, much less do any of them.

So, this morning, feeling tired and dazed, I decided to take care of myself.

I sang.

I took a long time to cook something nice and warm for this cold, rainy day.

I read some writings by Elisa Romeo, an author on the topic of spirituality (among other things) who I just stumbled upon.

And, well, I guess writing this post was me pausing, reflecting, and realigning myself.

What about you?

Do you need to take a pause, too?

Don’t worry, the work will always be there, waiting for you.

That moment you need to take, though? That will pass you by. Take it. 😉

~ Janice xo

Super New Moon

Last night, I came across an article about today’s Super New Moon. You can hop over there to learn more about what a super new moon means physically, but what I wanted to focus on was what it means spiritually. The article says:

A New Moon signifies new beginnings and fresh starts. It’s the perfect time to turn a new leaf, set your intentions, acknowledge goals, and commit to your vision for the next 28 days.

Leading up to today’s Super New Moon, we may have been experiencing some turbulent emotions, given that this particular super new moon is happening within The Hyades star cluster.

According to the article, these stars give off a “stormy and bitter” energy that will affect the Super New Moon and, in turn, our emotional experience.

Admittedly, if anyone had been telling me about how the cosmos affect humans on such a personal and spiritual level a few years ago, I may have felt skeptical about it.

Since I’ve been at the farm, I have learned about the importance of the moon cycle and how it helps to inform us about when to plant, weed, harvest, and so on.

My farmer friend who I work with has observed the shifts in energy within plants when, say, the full moon is approaching. He also notices an energy spike within himself around the full moon. As for me, I probably notice more of an emotional shift during that time.

If the moon does have such power to affect the physical energy of other beings — including its effect on the earth’s tides — then, it’s not so far off to believe that it could affect our emotional energy as well.

We often separate the physical and emotional (or mental), perceiving them as two distinct spheres within ourselves. But the more you learn about the connection between mental health and physical health, the more you realize that they are very much intertwined.

Deep emotions might come up to surface in those of you who need to let go and cleanse old outdated belief systems.

This Super New Moon will also be encouraging us to review and assess the state of our mental activity and our thought processes.

I have definitely felt some seriously deep emotions this week, leading up the Super New Moon today.

I had a good cry when I was in the city earlier this week, while I was in the process of working through some long-standing core beliefs (or core wounds) that I know I must let go of.

I also found myself, for the first time, really contemplating another long-standing issue that I thought I was okay not confronting head on. But the more I delved into it, the more I realized that not doing so may actually be hurting my forward progress.

As for setting my intentions for the next month, I’ll be journalling more about that later today. But what I do know is that with six weeks left at the farm, I feel as though my recent return here from the city contains a new sense of energy with it.

What intentions and goals do you want to set for the upcoming 28 days? What do you need to work on letting go of so that you can start anew?

Old Soul

I wanted to take a quick break from writing my book to talk about being an Old Soul.

I recently started reading a bunch of articles on LonerWolf (a website created by two spiritual mentors), particularly the ones about Old Souls.

I’ve always believed that I am Old Soul — and have also been told that I’m one by others. I’ve always felt much older than I really am, and become easily emotionally drained taking in others’ emotions and suffering (I’ve also been told that I’m an empath, so that adds to the energy drain!).

I have carried a sense of weariness about the world that is beyond just deploring the hate and pain being experienced globally.

It’s a sense of not feeling like I even belong on this planet sometimes. This quote from LonerWolf’s article “10 Universal Problems Old Souls Experience” I think sums it up:

They long to find a place where they feel like they belong, a space filled with freedom and liberation.  This often results in the feeling that this world is not their true home.

Feeling like there’s nowhere in this world where you truly fit in can obviously result in some sadness. Everyone wants to feel belongingness in some way or another.

For a long time, I did find it depressing and kept “searching” for people or groups where I could feel a sense of acceptance.

But I think part of my spiritual journey is to focus on what’s going on inside me, to work on accepting myself as I am, so that no matter where I am in the world, I will always feel that I am just as I’m supposed to be.

Wanting to move towards the things that deeply fulfill and nurture my soul is a big reason why I am going down this new life path. It’s why I have moved away from a conventional path of “success” that really doesn’t mean anything to me.

The more I listen to what my intuition and heart tells me, the more I believe that I’m discovering the way my Old Soul self was meant to live her days while here on Earth.