The Non-Epiphany

So, I had an epiphany over the last two days. Maybe not an epiphany – because an epiphany implies a discovery of something completely new, unthought of before. And I don’t think this is a new revelation. It’s more of an uncovering, or acceptance even, of something that I suspect was always there.

What was always there was my true and ULTIMATE passion in life, and — dare I say it, I’m gonna say it — my calling: To sing. To create music. To express music. To share music with others.

It came about from continuously encountering the question of what that thing was that got me truly impassioned and excited. That thing that I would devote my time and energy to — because my heart said I must — even if I wasn’t getting paid to do it.

At the time, I had been working on developing my website NatureImmersed, and was right at the start of what I determined to be a new career path in writing. But the first thing that came to mind after being confronted with those questions was not writing. It was singing.

Singing. Is. My. Calling. It feels pretty weird to utter it aloud, even though in some ways it should be pretty logical given how completely in love I was with singing as a young child, that I once dreamed of becoming a singer, and that I have found that writing and singing music is the highest form of creative and personal expression for me.

Hm, I guess life and self-doubt have a serious way of repressing your true passions, and convincing you that they’re not really what you’re meant to do.

So, does this mean that I want to become a singer singer? The kind of singer that records albums, goes on performance tours, and – yes – promotes their music? I still don’t know, to be honest.

I think a huge reason for shying away from this path is that it’s always felt too self-promotional for my tastes. I know that my life’s work needs to be helping others and making this world just a bit better than if I hadn’t been in it. Plus, I’m too introverted to constantly be on a stage. Can’t I just write music and record it from my little cave for people to hear?

But lately I have been rethinking, reframing, the way I look at singing and sharing my music.

Writing, in general, is important to me because I want to communicate to others words of inspiration, learning and encouragement. The same can be done through songwriting. A dear singer-songwriter in our music community named Christine Gaiddes promoted just this and lived it through her music before she sadly passed away in 2016. The world needs more songs of love, compassion and hope, as she shared with us.

I am also a huge believer in allowing ourselves to feel — whether those are emotions of sadness, joy, anger, sensuality, or hopefulness. I think one of the greatest travesties in this world is how much people repress their feelings, even self-criticize and self-shame for experiencing them. By putting my own emotions — completely unfiltered — out there on the stage when I sing, I hope to give others permission to just feel.

So, I have no idea where this non-epiphany will lead me, but I’m going to open my heart to it in the same way I have to starting a new career path and new way of living in nature. Let’s see where the journey takes us …

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